was all together…horrible.

I had a mood swing

I let myself get to me. Thought about horrible things in my past and how i wished a was a little boy again…Came to the conclusion that I have no idea what I’m doing with my life or where I am going. Mother dearest yelled at me for the phone bill which made me feel like all I ever do is cause my parents to spend money, maybe its because thats what my mother said. I realized that as much as I like him I cant keep crushing on people out of state, and I certainly cant handle another long distance relationship.

I did make up with Nathaniel and got things straight about my fat ex boyfriend Kaelob.

And just when I got even lower into my thoughts

My big older brother called me…and he always knows when I’m sad I guess..

So after our phone conversation I told my mother that after she buys me my laptop for graduation I am using the thousands of dollers I’ll be getting from the rest of my family to go see my older brother Darrell (with Chelseah) out in California and helping him move up to Portland, Oregan. I think i will save my ink job for when I’m out there because I think it would be better to have some real big shot talented tattoo artist do my biggest piece to date.

Mom said yes, not that she had a choice in the matter I would have done it anyway when I’m out of school.

Now I am going to go make brownies and not share.